Today I was losing hope again. She simply did not want to stop watching her tablet and she did not want half a biscuit but a whole biscuit. And I insisted on the half biscuit which she threw after me, retrieved it, threw it again while she yelled and cried and hit me with her fist in my stomach several times. She took a chair to get more biscuits from the cupboard, and she went completely amok.
I’m just so scared when she goes crazy. I get so worried about her, her development and her future. But then I remembered that this did not really have anything to do with her. It was me who had made too many mistakes. It was me who had talked aloud while I was wondering whether it should be a half or a quarter biscuit, and it was also me who fuzzes about biscuit sizes, rather than always letting them be the same size. It’s my fault that she gets insane and that means there’s something I can do. I can learn and I can get better. There have been several weeks where she almost did not beat me at all. This is not her who falls back into an old pattern, it is me who falls back into not having planned well enough. So now I feel better. I can do better. It will be half biscuits from now on. ALWAYS. I hope.
Funny, I’m quite good with coming up with good ideas, create schematics and structure, etc. but I’m incredibly bad at ALWAYS sticking to it. So lots of development potential here 🙂